The Book And The Reader: The End Is The Beginning Is The End

There are things in our lives that we don’t expect to happen, things that come to our lives and surprise us with happy and sad things.  There are exaggerated things, and there are also little things that to the eyes of others, it is superficial.  

I give you a story of a book.  I opened a very surprising book last 2012.  I’ve been noticing this book for quite some time already but never really thought of picking it up and opening it.

It was there lying beautifully on the shelf at the business store attracting my attention.  Finally one day, I got to check out the book.  At first I can’t seem to open it, I was just admiring its cover and read what was written behind it.  I got a glimpse of what was to happen. Well, honestly, I didn’t like it. It was scary.  But it was very striking not to open it, I said to myself, “I have to read it”. 

I’m always attracted to good books; books that make me happy and excited reading.  Books that I always think I’d keep on reading over and over again.  It happened already, but I ended up just keeping it to the shelf behind the door.

So finally, the day has come. I opened the book taking a risk of how much I may invest in.  And wow! It was beautiful.  Reading the first part was so exciting and everything was happening so fast.  I never felt tired reading it.  I always look forward to open it and read it.  Smile is always in my face every time I face this book, and don’t notice the time spending with it.

The story was about love, humor, adventure, and a few dramas.  It was unpredictable; it sometimes makes me sad and happy at the same time.  But a lot of times it makes me happy holding it close to me, staring at it, reading its words.  I cherish the moments I get to hold of it.

As I was reaching the middle of it, it had given me overwhelming emotions that I stopped reading it because it was beginning to become heartbreaking.  I wasn’t ready for it although I was already expecting it.  After a few days of seeing it just sitting around my table, with its cover right up facing me, I took a deep breath and started opening it again knowing that that part might happen again on the next chapters.  I had to take the chance, because I loved the book, I missed it.

As I read the next chapters, it was starting to become attractive again.  Then after a few chapters, it began to become confusing and out of control sometimes.  The jump of the topic and stories were like manic-depressive.  It was, most of the times, to the extremes.  But my interest and love that was built overtime for this book kept on pushing me to read it.  The two characters were even more confused than I was.  On and off, hot and cold, yes and no; which reminded me of that Katy Perry song.  I felt for the two characters; I know their hearts’ sides, and I felt deep sympathy on both of them being in their situation.  It wasn’t their fault, it was just their goddamn circumstance.

The story was getting the same premise every chapter until it surprisingly ended.  That’s when I noticed that the book was just thin and with just a few words on some chapters.  I wanted to read it more but it was over. Only blank pages left.

It was shocking for me.  Why did it end that way? The brightly colored pages became dull and dusty. It’s like the last pages were once wet and just dried up. It was sad. It was too sudden.  But something behind my head that tells me, “Well, that’s just it.  Learn to accept it.”

My heart didn’t want to close the book and wanted to start reading it on the first two chapters where it was the happiest.  But the book insisted itself to just shut down as if it was in control of me.  I can’t do anything, but close it.

 I was sitting on my bed, feeling heavy and drowned that the book is over.  I know that this book will be one of those that will be put in the shelf and be forgotten overtime.  I know I might just get a glimpse of it every time I pass by that worn out shelf, and just walk pass by it without remembering what story it has that made me got interested and fell in love with it. But all I know that time was I love it so much. I love the stories and the characters.  I love the pictures of what could have happened if it had a part two.  I love the cover and the words used in it.  I love the book even if I would imagine that it would be worn out over time from continuous reading. I just inexplicably love it.

I put the book over my headboard since I think I wasn’t ready in throwing it away.  Thinking what if time will allow me to open it again, and this moment, I would understand the story it was trying to tell me.  The hidden messages that were covered in the shadows of the misprints it had.  Or probably there will be a part two of this book that would be livelier and will end in a happy ending. What if, what if, what if.

Another side of me tells me not to hope and expect that this book will have a second one because it was not a pretty one.  Probably only a few of us would understand this book or fall in love with this book as it is, because, again…it was confusing.  No one in their right mind would continue to read it. I guess I was just too insane to still think this book was fantastic and would end well.

Now I don’t know what will happen with my amore and with this book.  It could end up lost or kept. Or it could end up me reading it all over again. But I hope I won’t keep on waiting for the part two that most likely wouldn’t come.  

All I really wanted is a book like a bible; something that even if it has all the ingredients of dramas and laughter, it would still make me grow, and ponder how happy I am having a book like one, and would bring me more closer to God’s love.  Something I wouldn’t wait for a part two, or three, because I love reading it over and over and over again with pure love and excitement.  Something I would carry everyday and open every hour, or minute, or even seconds.  That would be a wonderful book.  When will I find one?

For now, all I can say is, I still love this book just the same when I first opened it, I miss this book so much that I don’t miss taking a glimpse, but it hurts me with the stories it tells me.  I am confused.

In the end, this is just a book, even if it matters to me, the reader never matters to a book.

To Shutdown The Feeling Or Not: That Is The Question

One of the things I’ve learned in taking up my course (BS Psychology) is the skill of shutting down my emotion/s in something or in someone.  We had training for that in preparation for the possible career in Clinical Psychology.  In guidance counseling or in clinical therapies, psychology practitioners should not feel any attachment to his/her patient and the process for them to asses objectively and professionally, to be effective.  It has advantages and disadvantages if you have that skill.

One of the many advantages of that skill when used in day to day life is that you can assess results and re evaluate the next plan without having emotional set-backs…or in other words, getting hurt.  If you don’t get what you want, or things doesn’t go your way, it won’t affect you and just move on after re evaluating the situation.

Women Drama: What They Really Wanna Hear?

I learned something based on a situation that made me realize something that there are things that a man and a woman share in a relationship.  Whenever our girlfriends are sad about us having no time, and while we think that yes we do and we make efforts to make time for them, we tend to try and not take it seriously because we see it as either just being dramatic they’re just plainly acting up again.  What we usually do is to just explain everything why there are times that we forgot to text or call them, or why are we being too busy.  We say to them in details our goals that we are trying to achieve on that day, or probably what happened to our work or business, thinking that they would just understand everything.

End Of The World: Let's Make It Fun

December 2012 is nearing.  Well, we all know the fuss about the end of life on earth, i.e. the judgement day, the apocalypse, the second coming, the law against eating bacon.  If let’s say I have a crazy question that I will ask now and you should answer me because you have no choice? And here is the question, how would you choose our world would end?

Me?  I’d rather choose the zombie apocalypse!  Well, everything will end anyway so why not have the last adventures of our lives, right?  You know, you get to have the chance to let out that animal instincts in you; slice and dice living things (zombies are still considered ‘living’ right?), spray bullets on the things that move, or even swing a bat onto someone’s head.  Yeah! That would feel awesome.  Uh…I know, I know it’s violent and all…but they’re considered bad anyway, so I guess God wouldn’t mind? He He He. Just playing with the thought.

The Kid, The Artist, and The Psych Grad: Life-Loving Frankenstein

This is not me in the picture

As a kid, I’m always fascinated with how I think.  With overwhelming creativity and imagination which led me to enjoy the talents I got from our bloodline and a gift from God.  I expressed it through drawings and paintings, playing and “tried” writing songs and music, or just purely imagining things.  As I grew older, my curiosity for my imagination sets in more deeply, thus making me intrigued and analytical on some things which had me finding myself taking my course, BS Psychology.

Treaure Found: Untitled Poem

I saw this poem I made for someone years ago, I find it funny reading it now...so drama pala. Ha Ha Ha.

 

So many reasons

Why a man should like you

There are no reasons

Why I shouldn’t feel this too

There are a lot of things

I wanted to say

It’s not that I don’t want to

But I just can’t anymore

All words will not matter

Let’s not take it further

And I’ll cover this feeling

‘cause in the end

You wouldn’t even care

Imagining your smile

When you’re with him

Is it the same?

I hate to think it is

So it seems

O ha! Drama no! Guess what happened why I made this poem? Ha Ha Ha!

My Love Letter To You...Yes You! And I Hope You Can Read It

Hi :)

I want to start this letter by saying, hello.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve last written or made a love letter so I’m in for a few adjustments, He He He.  Well, I just wanted to express the emotions trap in me that I would probably be afraid to show everybody.  It’s not that I’m not proud or anything, it’s just that some people make me awkward when I try to express or show these feelings towards you.

First I really am happy to have met you and be part of my fantastic life.  I’ve never been this happy…no seriously.  I’m so grateful that in every smile, every laugh, and the time spent with you inspire me and reminds me that I’m so blessed.  It’s that same feeling when you remember your childhood…the nostalgic happiness that is incomparable.  During the times that I’m down, I just think of you and I’m feeling ecstatic again.  Even as simple as writing your name makes me feel awesome and it will continue throughout the day.

I know there are times that I’ve hurt you; times that I take you for granted or blame you on some things that wasn’t really your fault.  I’m sorry that I act like a kid most of the times and hated it when you wanted me to be mature and take a stand.  But I’m so happy that you’re still there even if just being a friend and never gets tired of supporting me or just accompanying me.  I love you for that. It’s like having a shadow but I can see it’s face.

After a few failed relationships, I got scared…scared to trust again and to love again.  You changed it all.  You made me open my eyes to see the brighter side of things.  You have transformed me big time.  Sometimes just by thinking of it makes me cry as if I’m being born again.

With this letter, I’d also want to tell you that I love you, yes I know I always say it to you…and I won’t mind how many times required to say it just to show or let you feel it.  Even if I have to stop the flow of the rivers; I’ll do it just to let you know how much I love you.

I can’t guarantee you anything.  I don’t have everything but I’m committing to fight for this wonderful relationship.  I will love you even if I have to give up everything.  I will love you even if I’d sometimes think I’d suffer.  I will love you until the very last drop of my tears, or at the very tip of my laughter.  I will love you even if that’s the last thing I have left to give.  You are special to me and I’ll cherish it, guard it with pure care and affection.  Like my life, you’re the only one for me.  Without you I’m certain to die.

With all this, I also like to say thank you for loving me back.  Thank you for making me the happiest person.  Thank you because you’re the best thing that has happened to me.  So many amazing things happened to me…why? Because you love me.

I love you so much my Father Lord God