“Men are all jerks…you just have to choose the lesser jerk or probably his “jerkiness” you can live with.” –Julia
I would agree on what my friend and big sister, we fondly call her Mommy Jules, say to our lady friends for advises on how to choose the right guy. I mean, well yeah there are perfect relationships but it doesn’t mean that their guys are ‘perfect’, but it’s just that their down sides are often times bearable to their partners. For example, a friend of mine doesn’t have a history of cheating, and he doesn’t smoke or drink, but he has a bad habit of forgetting special dates of their relationship. To some women, it would probably result apocalypse! But to his girlfriend, it is something not big, because to her, that’s nothing compared to her past boyfriends who constantly cheats, or gambles, and whatnot. Logical right? Now how do you define "jerk" or "bad guys"?
We are all aware that about 90% of women in the world have a crazy tradition of falling for bad boys. Agree? When and how did that start? I personally don’t know, but I have my own theories.
One of my speculations would be that STEREOTYPING is a main culprit in this women’s ritual. In the early stereotyping phenomenon on guys, bad boys love deeper. They are not into other women because all they focus on are things that feed their thrill and excitement of being on the edge. Vices, danger, and being the alpha male of their group. These are the things a lot of women see in them that’s why most women don’t go with good guys. But there are group of women who see this as an opportunity; that these men are not capable of cheating. Why? Well, because women are not part of their thrill-seeking-habits, and since they know that not a lot of women would go out with them, they won’t take their relationship for granted. While the good guys on the other hand are the ones that most women want, these are the guys that are magnetic, not the magneto like magnetism but being charismatic. So women are often times get attracted to them. Some of the women find this not good because there are a lot of competition for them, and temptations for the guys.
As human being evolve, and some fishes had grown a set of legs, women shifted to liking the bad boys…the confident alpha males who become good looking because of the thrill they bring to them (there’s a scientific explanation to men being more attractive to women when they both ride the rollercoaster…read it somewhere reliable.). With this, some men also adapted to this, they saw an opportunity to get women, so they became ‘bad boys’, or the bad boys became opportunists. And there goes the sad women being cheated on.
Another assumption would be, good-guys-are-nerds-or-gay stereotyping. Women mostly seek guys who are funny, can defend them, and can do manly things like carpentry or whatever. So for this typecasting, good guys have none of these characteristics. For women, good guys are just computer-geeks who analyze their jokes, or probably just a shopping partner, and maybe some can be too honest and not romantic. So they go for the bad boys to get the characteristics they like yet having to live with the guys’ shenanigans.
There are other hypotheses out there but I’ll just stick to these two.
Men nowadays are a mix of everything, big thanks to the MTV generation. There are bad boy nerds, funny gays, good boy cheater, and all other ingredients around mixing and matching. This now makes choosing deadly for women. But some of the lovely ladies around are not aware of this and still have that stereotyping genes swimming around. And so, they get doomed most of the times.
With this mix-of-everything…thing…is what my friend Mommy Julia meant. All guys are jerks. What she really means is that guys are not perfect. Every guy has a downside. Every guy is a jerk in one way or another. Women should just know what they can handle, and what they can’t. Or what stupidity of men most likely they can accept and adjust on. And oh! Just to make things clear for guys, CHEATING is a constant NO for women, so don’t try to look for women who can handle cheating…stupid. What are a constant YES to women? That would be, sense of humor, good conversational skills, deep understanding, being clumsy at times, can defend women, and someone who has big dreams or goals in life (in any order). Women, if you agree, give me a high ten! Actually most of my lady friends and relatives said this…not me.
The gentleman. Yes guys, gentlemen are still on a high market value even when this is the era of gender issues…that women are equal to men. Being a gentleman is beyond opening doors and giving your seat. Try looking it up in the dictionary. The best definition of a gentleman for me is the definition used in the movie, Blast From The Past, which goes, “…someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her [lady] are as comfortable as possible.”
Now, women should abandon the style on how they choose their men. Yes, you should know what you like, but you should probably start with what you can handle. One thing though, this could be tricky because when a man is courting you, he always put his best foot forward so it’s hard to tell. This is where the ‘being friends first’ comes in, in that way, you’ll know him at his best and at his worst…at least some parts of it. Yes, there is no perfect guy out there, literally, but there’s a perfect guy for women. Just choose wisely.
This is not a guarantee by the way, but if you choose right at the start, then there’s a big chance you’ll get your perfect guy. Stop the stereotypical way of choosing.
My mentor, Ulysses, once said, “choose someone who is right for you and not what you just like…often times, what you like is not the right one for you.”
If you don’t deserve the guy, don’t waste your time and end it, at the same time, don’t be BLIND (or stupid in that matter) to see those right ones out there…try not to be in a situation when you’ll say, “he’s THE ONE who got away”.